Is He Really In Love With You?

10 ways to tell if it's the real deal—or just lust with a capital L.

Is he really in love with you?

So you’ve been together for a while now. Things seem to be going smoothly—or are they? For some reason, you have your doubts. But girlfriend, things are not as complicated as they seem. If your heart can’t seem to rule your head these days, let us clarify for you. Here are undeniable 10 ways to know if he’s really in it (the relationship, that is) to win it.

1. He makes an effort to see you. If your man is truly smitten, he’ll go out of his way to make plans with you—well in advance—and accommodate your schedule, even at the last minute. Sure, he’s got a life too, so expect him to be busy sometimes, but in general if he wants to see you he will make it happen. He calls regularly, not just at 1 a.m., and answers when you ring him. He texts back as soon as he possibly can. Basically, he wants to be with you and makes that clear through his actions.

2. He considers you the main event. A guy who is truly interested has nowhere else he’d rather be than with you. You’re not just a stopover on the way to something better. If he comes by at 5 o’clock and says he needs to run by 7, or if he spends half his time with you texting other people (even if it’s not other women), those are huge signals that you might just be a side thing until something better comes along. A man in love will give you his undivided attention when he is in your glorious presence—and he’ll want to linger there as long as he can.

3. He’s openly affectionate. We’re not talking about a guy who’s good in the sack, or about that PDA-loving type who needs to parade a woman around like she’s some kind of prize. The guy in love is someone who can unabashedly hold your hand or kiss you in public, because he’s proud to be with you and wants the world to know it. At the same time (now we are talking about sex), when the two of you are alone and intimate, he’s just as lovey-dovey after the deed as he is beforehand when he’s seducing you. If he’s sticking around to cuddle, instead of jumping out of bed to get dressed, you can rest assured he’s head over heels.

4. His friends and family know about you. If he wants you to meet his best buds and his immediate family, or he’s campaigning to bring you home for the holidays, he’s definitely taking you seriously. If his family and friends have heard great things about you, it’s because he’s been gushing. And if, when you meet them, they’re bending over backwards to impress you, it’s because they know you mean a lot to him.

5. He wants to know everything about you. A guy in love listens to his woman when she talks and remembers what she tells him. Sure, he may trail off if you’re rambling about that argument you had with your coworker or describing the dress you saw online—that’s understandable. But if he generally makes eye contact and good conversation, recalls stuff like your dad’s name and your favorite color, and asks follow-up questions when you tell him about your day, he’s got sincere interest.

how do you know if he's in love with you

Amy Adams thought she had the love thing all figured out in Enchanted. The signs were obvious—or were they?

6. He goes the extra mile. If you mention a restaurant you’re dying to try, a smitten dude makes the reservation. If you tell him how stressed you are, he’ll give you a back rub. You get the point: This guy is into pleasing you and is not afraid to express it.

7. He talks about you in a romantic context. Sure, it’s nice to be told he misses your kisses and beautiful body, but if he actually calls to tell you he wishes you were there to watch that amazing sunset with him, or that a song on the radio just reminded him of you, he’s a goner who’s spending his days romanticizing about you. If he’s sharing books of poetry with you and talking about the places he’d like to take you, unless he’s the greatest player in the world, this guy has definitely formed an emotional connection with you.

8. He uses the word “we”. If he’s planning weeks or even months ahead—for instance, inviting you to a concert eight weeks from now—he’s obviously thinking long-term. A guy in love also expects that the two of you will spend your holidays together and, if you’ve been seeing each other for a while, considers you when he makes life decisions. You guys are a couple, a team even, and he acknowledges it. And need we state the obvious: He refers to you as his girlfriend, not just his friend.

9. You’ll find him where he says he’ll be. With a guy who is truly committed to you, you won’t feel compelled to check his text messages or question where he was last night. Unless you are paranoid by nature or have trust issues (you know who you are), you should not live in perpetual fear or doubt that his heart has wandered or he’s playing you. The minute a sane woman starts second-guessing her sanity is the minute she should realize (but may not want to admit) this man will never belong to her 100 percent. Note to self: It’s time to move on before it gets worse. And believe us, it will get worse.

10. He wants you to be happy. If you’ve had a bad day, a guy in love listens to the story about you horrible boss. If you’ve come down with a cold, he brings you chicken soup. If your pain upsets this guy and he does everything he can to make it go away, he’s a keeper.

If all that doesn’t provide enough of a clue, if your man actually says the L word with feeling—especially if it’s before you do—consider yourself truly loved.